6th May
Today my heart was broken.... correction - today my heart was crushed into a million tiny pieces by someone I loved unconditionally for 5 entire years. So as a result today is shit!
When and why do the emotional forces of nature change? When was it suddenly ok to stop caring and respecting the person who deserves it most? Ok what Im trying to say is "Why the fuck are men such ridiculous, pathetic, uncaring, stupid, relentless bastards". I wonder if there is an actual scientific explanation for this..... Google doesn't offer one so it's unlikely.
Two bottles of Pinot Noir later and I have unknown strength and a new lack of caring, yes I have now realized that actually I emotionally left this relationship 6 months ago, I am a strong and wonderful creature, the world will be kind and open opportunities for me at every corner, I will wear heels, I will drink the finest cocktails, I will be a marvelous human being and no one will stop me doing anything. I will think about me and me only and I will flourish with my new found understanding of who I really am. I have strength and I have wine.
And then I sleep
And then I wake up
Sleep only actually consumed me for 3 hours and my burst of self inspiration (activated by the alcohol) has left me and I remember that I'm actually pretty sad. I'll be ok, I know this but the broken pieces of me haven't healed over night. I think I will lock those piece away for a little while....... I'm not ready to rebuild my fragile self yet, it needs a break and it needs some time out in the dark away from people and material things thats shouldn't hurt but do.
