Not that hungry

When I booked the hotel online it was rated four star and had heaps of good reviews. I am gobsmacked at the tiny windowless room. There is a small cabinet and a broken chair in the corner of the room. I drop my bag on the bed and dust literally puffs off the sheets into the air. I am supposed to spend a couple of days here and consider that I will likely only use the room for sleeping so it will be suffice.

Its 8am in the morning, I head downstairs and take a seat at the hotel restaurant, position myself by the window and watch the mix of tourists and locals go about their day. I order eggs on toast (not very cultural I know but its my first meal). The gentleman walks towards me with my food and suddenly my stomach grumbles and I realize how hungry I am. I am not prepared for what happens next. As he lowers the plate a fricking cockroach runs from under my toast up his arm and around his neck, he brushes it off with his free hand, it falls to the floor and he stamps on it laughing. My eyes are bulging from my head and I am absolutely speechless when he places the meal before me, smiles and says enjoy. What the fuck? "Excuse me" I pipe up "a cockroach was just on my plate, can you please make me a fresh meal" he literally looks at me like I just vomited all over the table "no, only cockroach, no waste, that is what you order." Disgusted I leave the food untouched, walk to the nearest cornershop and buy a packet of crisps and a chocolate bar, I shove them down my throat to stop the grumbling in my stomach and wonder how am I going to survive the whole trip.

I have been in Thailand less than an hour and so far it couldn't be any further from what I had imagined.

Virgin Traveler

I may as well have the tatoo VIRGIN TRAVELER stamped on my head because I am standing out like a sore thumb. Its getting embarrassing now. I had a slight issue at security when I realized I had a few dangerous goods in my hand luggage, by dangerous goods I mean a bottle of water and some moisturizer I forgot to put in the bag I checked in. I know I should have known better but nerves got the best of me. So not only did the bleepers go off because of my belt, my bag was searched, I was told off about trying to smuggle water and moisturizer onto a plane and then they decided they were also gonna test my bag for explosives. Luckily I was clear. Then I go to the toilet about 15 times in a row because I am literally shared shitless and then I sit in front of my gate and start to sob, the sob turns into a full blown panic attack and then I am forced into a wheelchair by someone in an unidentified uniform and escorted to a nurses office. An hour later, after being prescribed a single Valium, I am calmer and ready to board the plane. I unpack everything I need for the journey and take my seat. I then watch the mass of different individuals clamber onto the plane and wait to find out which poor soul is stuck next to me for the next 12 hours.

The Valium has an amazing effect as I slept all through take off and wake up about and hour into the flight, leaning on the poor lady next to me, dribbling on her shoulder. I apologies but she seems nice and tells me its fine. She informs me that I have woken up just in time because the cabin crew are about to serve lunch. I have heard a lot about plane food and so I am not too upset when I am delivered some tough beef strips, salty mash, yellow broccoli, a stale bread bun and fruit salad. When I think I have finished it all I get super excited when I realize there is a slice of cheese and 2 crackers that I had missed when I first frisked the tray. I go to the toilet and laugh at how ridiculously loud the flush is and do a few in flight leg exercises. Head back to my seat, choose a movie and once again fall asleep. The valium was stronger than I knew because the next thing I know I hear the captain mention something about ready for our decent into Bangkok International Airport.

The landing is smooth and we make our way to the luggage carrousel quite quickly. Remembering the advice from Fred and Jayne I ignore all the offers for a taxi and head downstairs to the transport terminal, purchase a ticket for the bus and ask the bus driver to inform me when we reach Koh San Road, his English is good and tells me its the only stop. Easy! I am full of self confidence and excitement and cannot wait to reach my first destination.