Time for new scenery

25th May

I wake up tired and confused. Luckily I do not seem to have a hangover despite the amount of alcohol consumption last night. My eyes are sore and swollen from the unnecessary crying and Eva is still flat out, snoring on her back. I also have a slight sense of dread - last night I promised myself I would book a holiday overseas to get away from all the bad memories that are living right on my doorstep, this scares me a lot.

I fix a strong cup of tea and throw some bacon in the frying pan. I fire up the internet and search "holidays to get over a break up". I somehow end up in a forum full of vulnerable, single females pouring their hearts out to complete strangers. I read many stories of how these poor women got their hearts broken and how they are all struggling to move on and see the good side of life. I instantly feel like I belong and get comfortable, 5 minutes later the smoke alarm is screeching loudly and I realize the kitchen is full of smoke, Eva wakes up coughing violently as I rush to the frying pan. Shit, talk about crispy bacon - our breakfast is cremated. Eva convinces me we should head out for breakfast, to which I agree but just want to spend another 5 minutes reading these familiar tales. I don't know what it is about reading about other peoples pain and heartache but it instantly made me feel a lot better. It made me realize I am not alone in feeling like a completely useless woman - all around the world people are being dumped, taking acting and getting over things. Hmmmm inspiring stuff.

After a full English breakfast and way too much coffee Eva ushers me into the local travel agent. I don't want to enter but know better than to argue with my best friend. She casual swans towards to brochures and continues to pick up one of every single destination - and there are shitloads. I watch in horror (as do all the travel consultants) as she cruises back to me carrying approximately 30 full colored holiday brochures. "Can I help", someone gulps from behind the counter, Eva sternly tells the nice lady that she's got it covered and I chase her down the street almost laughing at what an idiot she is.

A few hours later we have ripped out pages and circled numerous suitable destinations whilst internet searching flight prices to each. Despite my efforts explaining how I think I need beeches, snorkeling and sunshine to relax, Eva has kindly corrected my misgivings and circled only places that include trekking, discovery and adventure - apparently its better for me to keep busy than relax. She has a point though, and I know it, should I be lounging on a beach in some tropical paradise I will only be aware of all the happy couples that have chosen the same place to celebrate their wedding or honeymoon. We decide the most appropriate country that will have ample adventure but also beaches should I still want one is Thailand. Eva tells me loads of people travel there each year and most of them go by themselves. She brings up heaps of blogs, photos and articles to prove her point. "Fuck it" I tell her "book my flight". I can see she is skeptical and didn't expect me to go without a fight but she also doesn't second guess me, twenty minutes later I have a return ticket to Bangkok for 10 days time in my inbox. I am shitting myself but nevertheless slightly excited and now I have something meaningful to do each day until I go - research, get my stuff together, pack and prepare. We spent the rest of the night researching online until we realize its 11pm and we haven't even had dinner, Eva leaves, I head to bed but cant sleep. I lie there anxious and excited, nervous and roused, this is so out of character for me - when I eventually drifted off to sleep I dream of being chased by elephants and tigers through the jungle when I finally stumble upon a small, hidden village. The tribesmen wave me over and I feel like I have been saved. I run straight into their communal area when the Chief puts a reassuring hand on my should, I've been saved I think to myself, only to realize they are cannibals and there are skulls and bones everywhere. I wake up sweating and shaking - God I'm dramatic I think to myself, knowing the dream was ridiculous and very far fetched, still I struggle to go back to sleep nervous about what waits in Thailand.