No Pain No Gain

19th May

Like a new woman I jumped out of bed as soon as my alarm went off this morning.
I dusted off my workout clothes, which have somehow shrunk slightly whilst hibernating in the closet, and headed for the gym.

The gym is busy, a little too busy and I am feeling extremely self conscious. I am bursting out of my fluorescent outfit and second guessing my decision to wear a headband. Everyone looks so fit and strong and so sure on the exact sequence of their work out. I take to the cross trainer, nice and slowly to begin with and start to feel real good about myself. There's a tap on my shoulder and WHHHOOAAAA a Brad Pit look alike is smiling at me, "I take a boxersize class here and need another person to make up numbers, you keen?" I start shaking my head knowing that it is not a good idea, "yes ok" damn it!!

Holy Crap, intense is an understatement. I felt like my arms were being ripped from their sockets. "Just hold the pads and resist" he yelled. Resist? I am doing everything I possibly can to prevent my opponent smashing my arms to pieces. How to people manage this. After an intense 45 minute workout we get to recover with two minutes straight punching on the bags - recover?! This guy is insane. It is pure torture. It is not fun and it can not possibly be good for you. I check myself in the mirror, bad move, I am the colour of beetroot and soaking in sweat, my eyes are blood shot and I am shaking like a leaf. I thank the instructor and promise to come back to another of his classes although we both know this is highly unlikely.

After a shower and some scrambled eggs I feel great! I return a few phone calls (much to the joy of friends who thought I had fallen off the planet) and decide to curl up and read my new book for a few hours. Naturally, me being me, I fall asleep.

I wake up some hours later, it's early evening and smile to myself. I feel good. I am taking control and its filling me with positivity. The phone rings, I attempt to get up and everything changes. I no longer feel good. I am in agony. I cannot move. I am paralyzed and in excruciating pain. Oh my god what on earth has happened to me?!! My neck, my back, my stomach, my arms, my legs, everything hurts! Shit, what was the last thing hot instructor said as I left the gym, oh that's right, "don't forget to stretch it all out when you get home". I forgot!

I'm in pain but at least it is physical pain, I know this will pass and I will be ok. Strangely the physical torture is ever so slightly distracting me from the emotional torture and I like the feeling that that something else other than my heart is hurting, and this pain will benefit me in the end. I finally manage to crawl to the phone, its Eva she's very excited, in  an attempt to lift my spirits she has organized cocktails on Friday night, "Find your little black dress" she shrieks down the phone "we are hitting the town, and I don't care if you don't want to come, for my sake pretend you do and fake a smile all night if you have to". Easy!  I can do that and it's probably a good idea I start drinking socially again, I can't keep relying on the antidote alone. I'm excited, providing the pain eases and I can actually walk by Friday, I think this could be exactly what I need.